CE I honestly feel like I’m going to be forever alone(whiny depressing blogfaqs)

I’m 19 years old and have never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl.

Even though I had a lot of them in high school and was in the popular crowd, I’m now a sophomore in college and can honestly say I don’t have a single friend in real life. There are a couple friends from high school who I occasionally talk to via text or Facebook, but even that’s rare. I haven’t made a single friend in the last two years.

I have a lot of social anxiety stemming from the fact that I used to weigh about 300 pounds (around 180 now). I’m not completely socially awkward like the stereotypical CEman, I can have conversations and interact with people just fine, but I find it almost impossible to initiate conversation/interaction or join in on it with anyone I don’t know because I feel like I’m not good enough. So I feel like I can’t meet new people, and all of my old friends have moved on to new lives in college/the “real world” and have new friends and don’t need me anymore.

Pretty much the only thing I could see myself doing happily as a career is writing fiction (IE novels/short stories), which is pretty much the longest of long shots as far as successful careers go, so not only will I be forever alone I shall also be forever locked in some job I’m not interested in.

I generally try to stay upbeat and content with my life but sometimes (like now) I get pretty down about it, though I’m doing better lately. Since I don’t have anyone IRL to talk to I write a blogfaqs post, probably so you all can tell me it’s all my fault (which it is, I understand) and that you hate people like me.

But hey, at least this will probably make some depressed ceman who’s here in the middle of the night on a saturday feel better about themselves in comparison or something.

Feels bad man

Anyone else estranged from a parent? I have a dilemma..

I haven’t talked or seen my dad in over 2 years. My mom and dad got divorced when I was 5 and he moved across the country, and didn’t make any form of contact with me until I was about 11. I remember crying my eyes out for a while when he left and kept asking my mom when he would be coming back, we were really close but I eventually got over it.

But yea, he moved about 2 hours from me when I was 11 and and we established a decent relationship. I’d visit him on the weekends every couple weeks. As I got older, I visited him less and less. We also didn’t see eye to eye on some things, I started to resent him. He would talk **** about my mom and just start stupid arguments. Then I moved to college, we got into some altercations and I just stopped answering his calls.

Trust me theres way more to the story than that. But simply, I don’t like his personality sometimes. Its almost bipolar in a way. Don’t get me wrong, when we do get along its great, we actually have a lot in common but when we get into arguments it was just bad.

He never likes to think hes wrong and is just really stubborn. I hate when he used to scold me because I just feel extra bad about myself. I remember one time he said I was going to hell because I knocked over a plate when he called my mom a whore. I just can’t stand the up and down relationship as it puts an emotional toll on me. I feel like I always have to please him and agree with him.

My mom who raised me right isn’t nearly as critical of me as my dad. She supports whatever I do and even when we do have arguments its usually small and I don’t think anything of it. My dad is strict so naturally it built up over time that I just didn’t enjoy visiting as much.

My mom said when they were married that if she was late from work he would accuse her of seeing other men, my dad even bought a new car without consulting her then when they divorced and he lost custody of me, out spite he maxed out their joint credit cards at the time then left. Creditors went after my mom and she had to file for bankruptcy.

Anyway, heres my dilemma. I DO love my dad deep down and though I don’t like him, hes turning 60 in 2 weeks and I feel down because I didn’t think he was getting that old. I don’t if hes changed or not. But apparently he’s been emailing my mom just asking how I’m doing saying he really misses me and loves me, then she just tells me randomly but I usually just change the subject. He apparently really wants to see me again.

I just feel really torn. Its really complicated as its awkward, I mean what do I say after all this time? I also feel a lot of my emotional problems stem from him. I’ve broken up with girls for stupid reasons, pushed people away and just have these weird fear of commitment and intimacy. I tend to avoid my problems by just not addressing it and running away from them.

Realistically speaking, I don’t think I would see him again because every time these thoughts emerge about the situation I train myself to not think about it or keep my mind busy so I wouldn’t bad. But at the same time i’d feel devastated if he died or something. I just don’t know what to do. ugh.

So… My gay friend came out to me… but that’s not the most surprising part…

Now, I don’t have anything against gay people, in fact, I support gay rights. I may be straight, but I think that gay people should be able to do whatever they like just like anyone else.

But my friend came out to me a little bit ago over the phone. I’ve known him for a loooong time, since I was in Elementary school and I had no clue he was gay all this time. Now, like I said, I have no problem with that… But then he told me something else…

He told me that he likes me, and he always has. That’s still not the most surprising part.

I was like “I’m sorry dude, you’re my best friend but I don’t like guys…”
He says something like “Well, before you say no, let me try something.”
I’m like “What?”
So he tells me he’ll be over in a few minutes. Knock at the door, open it up and my best friend is standing there in drag.
That itself is not the most surprising part. The most surprising part is that he actually looked good.
If he didn’t talk in his normal voice, I would never have known it was him. He looked like a completely different person, and, well, like a girl.
So he tells me that not only is he gay, but he’s transgendered and wants to have a sex change.

At this point I’m like completely weirded out. I really don’t know what to think.
So he changes his voice to be more feminine and starts trying to… you know… turn me on, I guess….
I’m like “Dude, I can’t do this…”
So he backs me up against the wall and asks me “Do you think I’m pretty?”
And well… Considering that he was made up in such a way that he looked completely like a girl (and he’s always been kind of thin and androgynous anyway), I said “….Yeah…”
So he tells me something like “Then kiss me. It’s just like kissing a girl. Just pretend that I’m a girl. Someday I’ll be a girl too.”
So I’m like “Dude… I can’t… This is too weird…”
And so he like… wraps his arms around me and says something like “Please give me a chance. I really love you and it’s not really gay for you since I look like a girl and when I get enough money I’m gonna have a sex change.”
And I just… I looked at him, who didn’t even look like my male best friend anymore and thought…. He did look kind of cute…
…And so I kissed him…
…And I don’t mean like… a peck on the cheek… I mean full blown french kissing…
…And eventually we were on the couch making out…
……It felt so good…..
After we were done he was like “I know I was a little forceful so please think about it more. It’s okay if you don’t want to keep this up, but please think about it.” and he left.

…And well, here I am….
I really don’t know what to think… I mean… We are best friends and… he does want to get a sex change and he’s kinda cute when he’s dressed like that but…. It’s still kinda weird…

…What do I do, CE?

My mom got an anonymous calll today telling her my dad’s been having an affair..

So my family has this place up north that we used to go to for the weekends or on our long breaks from school, and my dad has been going up there almost every weekend for the past couple of months. It was pretty suspicious and him and my mom fought about it and my mom accused him of cheating with some 23 year old before (my dad is 54), and he said she was being stupid.

Well she got a private caller today that told her that he has been cheating on her for about a year and a half. When she confronted him about it, he stopped denying it and started putting my mom down, saying this 23 year old lady is “built like a brick house” and that “putting you two side by side, anybody would pick her.”

So now my dad is moving out, I believe on Monday. I think I’m going to write down a nice speech, but only so I won’t forget it. I want to look my dad in the eye when I tell him how much of a failure of a father he always was (which is true) and how 15 years down the road when he’s pushing 70, his “hot girlfriend” is just going to take what’s left of his money and leave, and he’s going to be all alone.

tl;dr: My dad had an affair with a 23 year old, moving out Monday. I’m going to give him a piece of my mind before he leaves.

inb4 bawww, inb4 nobody cares, inb4 tc can’t inb4. I just had to get it off my chest. The anonymity of the internet makes me feel better.

HAHAHHA lmao a guy from HS tried to **** with me on this chick’s behalf

Background: So I don’t give a **** about my HS, except for my friends. I go to an out of state college, so some of my college friends and I were just messing with this girl on facebook. Well she stopped responding to our messages after awhile. I sent her one saying “Jennifer, can I ask for your opinion on something?” She promptly made a status saying “OMG YOU’RE SO ANNOYING”

As I like whatevs. Well some one from facebook from my old HS contacted me about it. Heres how it went.

Him: Hey
Me: Sup
Him: I want you to stop talking to jennifer
Me: Who are you to tell me who to talk to? If she doesn’t want to talk to me, she can tell me herself.
Him: Look man im just telling you she’s getting annoyed of you
Me: And look dude, I will stop once she has the courage to tell me herself
Him: Shes annoyed of you. stop or we will do something
Me: Like ****ing what? What the **** are you going to do? Come here and try to fight me and my college friends? Or will you try and egg my house and get your ass busted by my dad who is a lawyer.
Him: **** you man you are ****ing with the wrong people
Me: Well try and do something. IF you want to take me in a fight, I will gladly do it. I have been training here for the past two months in kickboxing. By the time summer roles, I will be happy to fight you.
Him: (my name) we will make sure you learn your lesson byh the end of the year
Me: Well pansy, go ahead. I’ve been wanting to try out my lessons in a real fight and kick some one’s ass.

after that he logged off

CE I’m about to hand somebody over too /b/.

http://www.hermitcrabassociation.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=77753

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH

First off let me just clarify I am above the age limit this she just says son not young adult ;).

Ok so story first I go and pick myself up a hermit crab today. (I got 2, they’re both so cute. :). And this middle aged lady is lurking around the hermit crab area. Just waiting to go ape s*** on somebody that’s about too buy a hermit crab. I’ve always had crabs the way I’ve had now, and it works just fine. I don’t really want to get really into an expensive purchase today. So I’m just using the left over supplies from another crab. I think it’s fine to do it the way I do it already. I’m not an ignorant b****** like she thinks I am. Some people just REALLY get on meh nerves. If you’ve got a problem with me, tell me in person. Not blab about on the f****** internet. NOTE: I am just trying too get an opinion on how stupid an attack this is, not trying to get a feud started (though I wouldn’t mind doing that).

tl,dr I go in a petstore. Creepy lady lurks around spams me with info and I don’t appreciate it. Then goes to blab about it on the internet.

inb4blogfaq’s
inb4rage
inb4TCcan’tinb4

Man, my cheap ass dad has pretty much ruined my life

Never go on vacations, didn’t know vacations lasted for more than a two days
Never been to Disney world
won’t be able to drive to high school
no car
can’t handle money worth crap
no allowance
I don’t even want to talk about college
always get the ***end of deals at school, like when everybody gets a class ring or a field trip and you don’t
still haven’t payed my school fees, I’m not paying for it
cheap house
cheap car
He makes like 120k a year
Didn’t get a desktop computer till 8th grade and I had to beg
never had a hdtv till 10th grade
Off course when it comes to him he sure doesn’t hesitate to spend money

Cheer me up, CE. (girlfriend trouble)

Some background info:

My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for over a year and a half now (since April 2009), and we’re both in college in a long-distance relationship…well, I don’t know anymore.

Her brother’s wedding was last weekend. She flew in, I was invited, and we both had an amazing time.

In the previous weeks, her brother’s wedding was making her think about our relationship. She told me that her brother and his wife went “on a break” while they were together, and she said she thinks that that is a necessary part of any relationship (to go “on a break”). I was afraid she was going to break up with me then and there, but she said, “No, I’m not going to do that right now or anytime soon.”

Also, I should mention that, about 2 months ago, I bought plane tickets to fly over to her for Fall Break (about 2 weeks away from now). She knows about me visiting her.

Fast forward to an hour ago. She calls me saying she can’t stop thinking about this, and she says she wants to “go on a break”, but she still loves me. I didn’t know what to say. After a long pause this is how the conversation went…

Me: “I would’ve appreciated if you didn’t lie to me when you said this wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.”
Her: “I didn’t think I would keep thinking about it. I thought spending time with you at the wedding would’ve changed my thoughts.”
(long pause)…

Me: “So what now? What does this mean?”
Her: “Well, I guess we’re single until we see each other next.”
Me: “Are we not going to talk?”
Her: “Yeah.”

At this point, I was just seething, and all I could say was, “Do what you want. Bye.” Then I hung up. She calls me, and leaves a voicemail saying, “I didn’t want it to go like this. Please just gimme a call back. Look, I know we said we’re not going to talk, but I just wanted to talk to you before I do this. I don’t want you to be upset like this. It’s not because of anyone, it’s not because I want to be single or get with people, it’s because I need to be on my own for a little bit just to figure myself out. Please just give me a call back. I love you.”

I text her 20 minutes later with “However you thought this would go down was wrong. This isn’t mutual.”
She says, “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to lie to you or myself. I’m doing this for myself…I knew it wasn’t gonna be mutual but I thought you’d be more understanding…can you please call me?”

That was this morning. I haven’t called. So, now I guess I’m single for the next 15 days until I fly over there to see here, and then we’ll magically be a couple again, and it’ll be like nothing ever happened, right? (LOL) What am I supposed to do? It was terrible ****ing timing on her part.

So, cheer me up please, CE. Ask for pics, make fun of me, do whatever you gotta do.

tl;dr version:

My girlfriend says we’re “on a break” for some reason (even though things were going great). I get angry. I need to be cheered up. Also, I fly over to see her in two weeks which now I’m hesitant about doing.

My roommate’s girlfriend is here all the time. I want her out.

I didn’t pay an extra $200 to live here so that I could have an extra roommate.

They’re always out in the ****ing living room watching TV or something. Well, we share a living room, but since they practically live out there (they sleep on the futon every night and sit out there all day), I’m effectively stuck living in a bedroom (LOL BUSINESS AS USUAL FOR A CEMAN M I RITE?). It pisses me off. We draw lottery numbers for housing here at my school, and I managed to get a good number to get into the “best” housing unit on campus, with apartment-style housing. I get the god damn number, and my roommate occupies one full room (living room) and half of another (the bedroom) with his stuff.

Oh, and in the rare instances in which I can occupy the television/360 at night, his girlfriend has the audacity to complain about me using the TV for hours at a time. Hello? You don’t like it, go back to your place and piss off.

That ***** needs to get the hell out of my house. Every damn morning, I feel obligated to silently creep around the kitchen when I’m making coffee/breakfast/whatever so that I don’t wake those bastards up. Then at night, they’ll shut the door between the two rooms, as if they’re going to sleep. If they were actually going to sleep, it’d be fine. Instead, they sit out there chatting and playing awful music on her cell phone. Maybe I’m wrong about this, but I don’t appreciated being shut into a room in my own god damn house every night - if it weren’t for me (and my one stroke of luck, admittedly) we’d be living in a cramped dorm somewhere.

I could very well talk to him about it, because he’s a total pushover, but instead I want to do passive-aggressive things to make them not want to stay here every night.

Help me be immature and drive my roommate’s girlfriend out of here, CE.